


More than just surviving

by m_p_kal



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Baby, Clexa, F/F, F/M, I Don't Even Know, Love, how she got pregnant, osir keryon ste teina
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2018-07-15 07:37:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 15,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7213567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m_p_kal/pseuds/m_p_kal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been two years since peace have finally been achieved between the Grounders and Skaikru </p><p>Clarke and Lexa have been together for about the same time, their love for each other growing stronger with each day passed, when something happened that grew them apart leaving Clarke escaping from Polis and the love of her life, not knowing something that could change their lives</p><p>With another enemy coming to the surface threatening peace, let's see how our heroes are going to prevent it and of course heal their hearts</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. chapter 1

Lexa

Present

It's been 2 years since she left 

2 years without anyone seeing or hearing from her, 2 years since I have touched,kissed, made loved to her

2 years since I pushed her away...

Everything was my fault, everything was my mistake, she's gone because of me, she's gone because I am a coward, because I was afraid to love, to set my burdens free , to simply live my life with the girl of my dreams, the woman who was equal to me in every way possible

I can never stop thinking and worrying about her what if she is dead, what if she is harmed, what if...

So many what ifs...

I try my best to keep the peace between our people for her, because it was something she wanted, but things have been a little off, peace is in danger 

Clarke could have already come with a plan to eliminate the threat, she's so smart and beautiful and propably hates me

I just wish she was ok and happy, even though she wasn't here with me

Sigh...

~100~

 

Indra : "Heda, Okteivia kom Trikru en Skaikru ste hir"

Lexa : "Bring her in"

It was a surprise for someone from Skaikru to come here in Polis, even if it was Octavia who was as much part us as them

After everything happened with Clarke, no Skaikru stayed in Polis yes they would come to trade but they never stayed long enough, even the new ambassador, Raven Reyes, would only come for meetings and leave the same day

It was a good fortune though that peace was still going strong among us, even though there were little quarels here and there

Jus nou drein jus daun has become our new way, our bustomes and beliefs have changed to accomondate it and thankfully it has been very successful...

Indra : "Heda, she's here"

Octavia hasn't changed much since the last time I saw her, she still wears grounders clothes and braids her hair our way, but she has more muscle and awareness making her a true trikru warrior, of course her husband, Lincoln, has put a hand in her training as well as Indra

Lexa : "thank you Indra, you can leave us, Octeivia kom trikru en skaikru welcome, I hope your journey has been pleasant, do you wish something to drink, eat ? what can I do for you ?"

Octavia : "Heda, thank you for your hospitality, but I am not here for business..."

Lexa : " then speak true, why are you here in Polis ?"

Did something happened in Arkadia, someone threatining to break war, why was she here?

Octavia : " Lexa we found her..."


	2. chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys... Thank you so much for the hits and kudos :)  
> This story has also been uploaded on wattpad so if you like check it there too...  
> Now lets continue with the chapter  
> Happy reading!!!

Clarke

Present 

I was walking a path I didn't know where I was going, there were houses everywhere, tall buildings from the old days but the strange thing is that they looked as good as new, parks with flowers and fountains and I think, oh my god is that a train? 

But the most shocking was not the place it was the people

People were walking smiling and laughing not having a care in the world, not being afraid of dieing, not just surviving but living

Life should be more than just surviving...

-Boom-

what was that noise...

Some kind of flying object was hovering over me making some weird noises, like trying to alert someone it started getting close to me but I run, as I was running I bumped into someone very familiar to me 

... : " you're not supposed to be here" 

Ouaoua...

Clarke : " how are you here?"

... : " all in due time were coming, but you need to leave, now GO"

Ouaoua...

I jumped out of bed, what a weird dream, what was this place and what were they doing there

It was just a dream Clarke, focus

Oua...oua...

At that sound I had to get back and go towards the noise, she must be hungry again, it was her feeding time after all

walking towards the small crib near my bed I saw the most important person in my life

￼

My daughter...

I might be biased but my baby was the most beautiful baby in the whole world, she had my blonde hair and the shape of my face but the rest of her was of her 

Her lips, her nose, her cheekbones, even her smile

But the most obvious characteristic of her were her eyes, green as the leaves on trees in forest, the most beautiful and vibrant eyecolor i've ever seen in my life, the color I fell in love with twice in my life, first in her and second in my daughter

Stop thinking about her she pushed you away, she made you leave, she promised forever but forever was just a word like all the others in the world

She is my little miracle, I mean of course she is, scientifically speaking it's impossible for two women to have baby, but she is here

Alexandra Hope Griffin was here...

I couldn't name her anything else, it was trikru tradition to name someone's child after their parent and it was fitting, I mean she was her mother's daughter even the scowl was the same

my little heda...

I didn't know about her when I left, she came as a surprise, a really shocked surprise

I found out about her when I was already 5 months, I was walking towards the boat clan after I travelled for a while, I heard that it was the only peaceful clan and the others let them be, so I thought of settling down, when I started not feeling so well exhaustion, nausea and cramps were a few symptoms so I went to a healer, an old woman named Katarina , let's just say when I found out I fainted

I was only 20 years old, I didn't have any kind of support not that I wanted and I was just traveling around the clans hunting for food which had to stop, no money, no house, not the woman that I love and I was going to have a baby, scared wasn't even the word to describe what I felt 

But when I first felt her kick I knew that everything was going to be ok, that I would have a person in my life that I would love and would love me back unconditionaly that I would be happy again, that things would get better 

And they did 

The healer, Katarina, offered me a job when I asked and she let me live with her for a little while until I found a place, she taught me everything she knew and I taught her some stuff too, she was the one who helped me give birth to my Alex, she was like a second mother to me and a grandma to Alex

Unfortunetly, a terrible disease came to the village and she died because of it about 3 months ago

I will always remember her, she was one of the few catalysts in my life that made me who I am today

Alex started fusing around so I picked her and started feeding her, singing her her favourite lullaby

Hush, little baby, don't say a word, Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird.

And if that mockingbird don't sing, Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring

And if that diamond ring turns brass, Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass...

And she slept immediately...


	3. chapter 3

Octavia...

Present 

Octavia : " Lexa we found her..."

It just came out of my mouth, I should propably had warned her even though I don't quite like her at the moment, she deserved to know about Clarke, even though it would hurt her hearing the truth

Lexa : "what do you mean Octeivia? Speak true!!"

Octavia : " Lexa we found her, actually I did I saw her in a village near the boat clan when we went on that diplomatic mission , she didn't see me"

Lexa : "take me there now, we have to get her back"

She stood up to go towards the door but I stopped her, she didn't know the whole truth and I knew it was going to hurt her a lot, even though she was the commander she still was human and had feelings

Octavia : "Lexa, there's more and you should propably sit and listen to me"

Lexa : "what is going on?? Is she hurt, is she any kind of danger just tell me Octeivia"

I could see the genuine concern about Clarke, she was her houmon after all their souls were entwined, that's why it's so difficult to understand why she acted like that 

Octavia : " relax, she was fine, actually she was more than fine, she was happy she kept smilling and laughing from what I found out she was staying there for about 1 year and she worked there as a healer, the previous died a couple months ago and she was in charge..." 

The whole time I was talking she hadn't talked and just kept staring at me with curiocity and longing in her eyes, trying to process what I was saying 

It was one of the very few moments that she actually showed her real feelings and not portraing the commander

She stood up from her throne and looked out the window, propably trying to calm herself from the news she received, if only that was only that

Lexa : "... a-and did she rea-aly seem happy, I feel like there is something that you are not telling me" 

~gulp~

How am I supposed to tell her something that will kill her inside and me next

I should have propably sent Lincoln to tell the news dammit

Here goes nothing...

~100~

Lexa...

Octavia had just came to tell me that after 2 years she was found, all this search had finally paid back, but she seemed a little off like there was something else going on with Clarke

She seemed to hesitate telling me and it was starting to get me really angry, was there something wrong with Clarke was she hurt or captured

She told me she was happy and I was happy even though it pained me to be because she was away from me 

I still couldn't function without her but it was my fault so I had to bear with it, even though I still craved her, her eyes, her lips so sweet, her everything 

She was my more and will always be...

Every second Octavia didn't speak the more and more agitated I became, until I couldn't hold it any more

Lexa : " OCTAVIA JUST SPILL IT, WHAT IS WRONG? " 

Octavia : " E-eh i-i asked a-around about her and found some things other than I told you, I didn't believe them so I followed her and they were true and before you stop me I am just going to tell you what it was, so here it goes shehasadaughterandshewaswithamanandtheywerehugging" 

Lexa : "Octavia say again the last phrase... "

Octavia : "she has a daughter and she was with a man and they were hugging, heda. The baby from what I could see had blonde hair and looked like her"

I just felt my heart breaking apart


	4. chapter 4

Clarke...

Present

It was a usual day for Clarke, she woke up, fed Alexandra, changed her, played with her, cleaned the house and left for work as healer in the village

Up until then it was pretty normal

Everything changed during lunch time 

I could feel eyes on me like someone was staring at me threatingly but every time I tried to turn they were disappearing 

I was not alarmed because I was afraid for me but I had my little heda with me and if anything happened to her I don't think I would come through this 

She was my lifeline 

At some point in my life her nomon had been it for me but after everything I just can't even think of her as anything as the "sperm donor" to my most precious and important person in the world

Even though I still couldn't get her out of either my head and heart, I can't help the resentment at her actions 

I will always be grateful to her for my little heda and everything she has ever done for me even though most were fake apparently

I have to stop getting distracted by the past and move on and most important focus on the danger ahead 

I could still feel eyes on me, I don't know why but it felt some kind of familiar to me, maybe I am just a little paranoid

But if there was a threat I was fully equiped to take the threat down, being the heda's houmon had it's perks so to say

It stopped I don't feel them anymore, I wonder wh-

Bump

Ow that gotta hurt, thank god for my reflexes or else my Alex would've been hurt 

I look up to see who bumped into me and to my utmost joy it was Jonas, Katarina's only son 

He was like the little brother I never had, even though he was older than me

He rarely visits the village being one of the few warriors of the boat clan 

Jonas : " hei, Clarke how are you? I was looking for you everywhere " he said to me coming to hug me, apparently he was the one following me

Clarke : " hei Jon I'm fine, this little munching grows every day keeping me busy all the time, how come you have come here?"

Jonas : " oh nothing just visiting thought maybe we could about some things, Luna sends her regards "

Luna?

Clarke : " ok let's go to the healing hut nobody is going to be there"

Jonas : "ok but first give me this little munching I have missed her"

I give him Alex and the first thing he does is toss her hn the air and catch her back

I wasn't worried about him dropping her, he was a warrior after all and it did make her laugh really cutily for me to stop it

After a short while we arrived at the hut, the mood getting more serious than a few minutes ago, apparently Luna didn't just send her regards 

Clarke : " Jonas what's going on?"

Jonas : " as you know jus nou drein jus daun has not been a very favorable motto in the coalition, even after so many years people still fight it. But that is the least of our worries. Something dangerous is coming Clarke in other kru's there is already threat people are turning against their people for no reason, there is said that there is this man that controls everyone like some kind of magic. 

Clarke : " so peace did not last after all, after everything all the sacrifices we made. Do we know who is in charge? Do you know anything else? Does heda know about this? " 

Jonas : " we don't know about the leader and no heda doesn't know yet, we wanted to verify and identify the threat before asking for a meeting, the threat is much closer to our borders than we would like each day gaining more and more followers. We have to stop them Clarke or noone is safe" 

Clarke : " why are you here telling me this instead of trying to warn the coalition about this, Luna should have already brought it up to them, we must stop them. Tell me the real reason why you are here? " 

Jonas : " Luna sent me.... You should start packing Clarke, it's not safe here for either of you, you need to leave"

Clarke. : "Jonas, speak true that's not the only thing"

Jonas : " sigh.... there is something else..."

He trailed off for a few seconds and I had this bad feeling in my stomach that I guess came true when he spoke

Jonas : " ....she wants you to be the one to take the message to heda..."


	5. chapter 5

Lexa...

Past

...life should be about more than just surviving, don't we deserve better...

This girl is like a ray of fresh sunshine, she seems wise beyond her years of age, she just understands the burden that it is to lead ones people, the strugles that someone has to overcome to be successful 

She understands me...

She can see right through me, right past the facade that I have build up to protect me or most importantly me from feelings

She makes me feel everything from sadness to joy to a feeling of longing that I have never felt before not even for Costia

She makes my heart beat faster every time I think of her or see her

I want to be the real me with her, I want her to know me to see me like I see her like she is the most precious jewel in the world

I just want her...

...maybe we do...

As our lips meet I feel like I am flying up in the blue sky, like the color of her eyes, the most vibrant and beautiful color I have ever seen in my life 

I feel like I am being reborn in her touch, in the feel of her hands in my body

It feels like eternity but then she pulls away and tells me that she is not ready, not yet 

Not yet...

Feels like a stab to my heart but I understand her she lost a loved one, I remember how I was with Costia and she had to do it herself

Hope for a better future seeds in my heart

~100~

The mountain has finally been brought down, we were victorious all those years my people were suffering are finally over, we can live happily and it's thanks to the Skaikru that we can feel without fear

I am looking for her in the crowd I know she is alright, I had someone watch over her 

I finally found her and the jealousy I felt cannot be described

She was hugging that boy, Bellamy, like she can't believe that he is here still alive (i would of liked very much at the time to rip his heart out and feed it to the dogs) 

I couldn't stay there anymore, I left for my tent the image still in my head, I guess my fate is to stay alone in this world

Tears started blooming in my eyes

How could someone I just met 3 weeks ago has so much power over my emotions

... I thought you would be out celebrating our victory not being here on your own...

She is here I guess to let me down

... Clarke kom skaikru I was just preparing for the burning of the pyres and the feast afterwards, is there something I could for you?...

All this time talking I couldn't look at her, if I did I would break

...actually yes I was thinking about what happened in this tent between us, you know before the battle...

There it is she was going to let me down

ste yuj Lexa...

... I would love to take you on that offer to come to Polis and perhaps figure out what this is between us...

What did she just say?

I whirl around and watch her have this small smile on her face

She wants to try

... Em, o-of c-course yes I can arrange for our journey if you like right now, when do you want to leave?... 

I was rambling for I don't know how long and her smile turned to amusement and a hint of mockery

How did she change her mind? I didn't help but ask myself and I did ask her

...going inside that mountain and seeing all those people killed made me realize that anything could happen the next second and I know that I would regret it if I didn't explore this thing we have, it feels right don't you feel it?Life is too short to let it pass...

My heart soared at that confession but I couldn't help but ask

...but what about bellamy? Don't you have feelings for him?you were really worried about him when he was inside the mountain...

she steps closer to me and takes my hands gently against hers and runs her thumbs on the back of my hand

...Lexa, like I told you before I care about all of my people and with Bellamy we came close being the leaders of the hundred, but it was close like a sibling relationship just that, there actually is someone I can't stop thinking about and has made an impact in my life right now...

My face fell at that last part

...oh...

She took my face in her hands and lifted it to look at her, she was looking at me with such tenderness I couldn't stop looking her

...it's you silly, you are the one. Didn't I just tell you I want to go to Polis with you, don't doudt my feelings for you, perhaps I could just show you...

With that she grabbed my face and kissed me with so much emotion I just froze for a second   
but then responded with as much fervor

I was smilling during the kiss and I could feel her doing the same, our hands couldn't stay in the same place they were roaming around and about our bodies

I was about to lift her shirt when we were interupted

Jok

Indra walked in if it was anyone else they would have already been beheaded, I nod at her

...heda the pyres are ready and the hunters we sent have come with many game back and the preparations have began, we are waiting for you to start the ritual...

...thank you Indra I will be right out...

She gave a slight glare-nod of respect to Clarke and left

...that was awkward well we should propably go out now and get this over with...

She kissed me on the cheek and stepped outside the tent me following with a large smile on my face until it became the facade that I have created once I stepped outside but I think even couldn't stop me from being this happy 

During the ritual Clarke had sliped her hand in mine trying to show her support to me and comfort me, I guess she can read my expresions and feelings really well

She stayed with me until the end and we walked together to the feast and made her sit next to me

I stepped to give my speach gaining everyones attention

...people of the 12 clans, today we have defeated the enemy that has plagued our people for nearly half a century, the sacrifices of our people will be forever remembered and mentioned throughout our history  
I would like to thank our new allies who risked everything for our victory, skaikru, who without we couldn't have succeded with their knowledge we were able to enter the mountain and we will be forever grateful to them   
Now everyone lets all drink to those who we have lost and one day shall see, let the feast begin...

Everyone drank and started enjoying themselves, music and laughter were echoing all around the place, both skaikru and my people were seen together talking lauging dancing just being one people

I smiled at the sight but my smile grew when I felt a small hand clutching mind in a tender embrace, I turned and watched her smiling at me and thought this is how I want to spend the rest of my life...


	6. Chapter 6

Clarke...

Past

Arriving in Polis, must have have been the most exciting thing since I touched the ground

Lexa kept describing and telling me stories about the city that left me anticipating the arrival 

I must say the real thing blew my mind away, from miles you could see a large building when I asked Lexa what that was she said home 

Walking closer I have to say I was realy glad I didn't have a fear for heights

Everything was so lively, so many people around trading, laughing just live among each other 

When Lexa was seen entering everyone started screaming her name like she was their goddess, their most sacred person in the world, these people would die for her as she would die for them

I guess news about the mountain have reached the city because they were also calling my name, calling me something else along with it that made Lexa wince even though she hid it well but not to me, I guess I 'll ask her later

After everything that has happened I guess I could imagine myself calling this home, but most importantly calling her my home 

~100~

Fast forward 4 months

4 months have passed since I moved to Polis there have been so many changes that it would give you a whiplash if you heard 

First of all living in Polis is one of the greatest things, there are beds from the old world that are so soft the first time I laid in one I couldn't help but moan, Lexa actually blushed due to that it was so cute. The food was another great thing comparing it to the one of the ark I must say that it was a 1000 times better and tastier

And there were bath houses with actual warm water and large stadiums for practises and a library and a museum of the old world and so many other things even thinking about them makes me excited

But the best thing about Polis is that I am with her, Lexa 

After telling her about my feelings she has grown softer towards me, she is not heda with me, she is just Lexa, the real her not the facade

At the begining we were living in separate rooms even though they were right to each other and she would come every morning with a different flower with her giving it to me and telling me the name in both gona and trigedasleng, it was so sweet the first time she was blushing so hard that I just couldn't not kiss her cheek, which made her blush harder but brought a smile to her face

She always included me in her schedule of the day either trying to teach me about her life as heda or taking me in councils and other responsibilites she had to take care for

She even introduced me to the natblidas, nightbloods, and of course theis teacher and Lexa's advisor Titus. That guy doesn't like me at all he's always glaring me 

Our relationship is getting more and more serious by the minute 

After about a week we were intimate for the first time, it was an out-of-this-world experience, I mean my first time was special but being with someone you truly love is amazing 

After that we decided to stay in the same room, even though we were still not public we were not very subtle about our relationship 

I think everyone knew in Polis, because when we finally revealed it after skaikru became part of the coalition and I the ambassador, there were not many surprised faces, mostly happy even though there a few angry, cough Titus cough, but after some talks with Lexa he seemed to accept it

Before our coming out Lexa had me start training because she wanted me to be safe, I mean she had already assigned a guard for me, Ryder, but she didn't want to taketany chances

I must say I am a quick learner, I was trained in every single weapon but my favorite was the bow and arrow, I could propably shoot with closed eyes and hit bullseye every single time

Lexa was really proud of me so she custom made a bow and arrows for me, the bow was black with leather skin holder and made to my size as were the arrows

Relations with skaikru were getting better and better, trading started taking place right after the defeat of the mountain

We were offering our knowledge and technology and received things for our survival in return

Another thing that happened was that there were more survivors from the ark and were brought in Arkadia, some of them being Monty's mom and Pike our old survival teacher from farm station 

There a little differences between them and the grounders with Pike being the instigator but they were dealt with immediately, not endagering the peace we have created among us and those who started them got punished by skaikru methods

It was a slow process but Lexa tried to include skaikru customs in every way she could in order to create a more peaceful way of life for her people

She was such a thoughtful and kind person that it made me fall for her harder I mean I know that it was really soon to tell her but it was the first time that I felt this way, with Finn it was different it was more like puppy love and he betrayed me in the end but tha doesn't mean that I didn't love him

Just not as much as I love Lexa...

I love Lexa...

I want to shout it from the balcony, scream it to the world I feel alive with her

But first I have to tell her...

I have prepared dinner myself and made arrangements to leave us alone trying to be romantic, lighting candles and having flowers in the table

...what is this hodness?...

I jump not even listening the door opening, I guess I should pay more attention in my surroundings, what did she call me I don't know that word?

...you know I should propably give you a little bell to ring in order to not startle me and givetme a heart attack...

...or perhaps you should just pay attention in your surroundings to not get startled, now where is my kiss?...

I step from my place and greet her with a kiss that must convey my nervousness because she looks thoughtful

...is there something wrong Clarke?...

...no no I 'm fine I just made dinner tonight and I don't know if you are gona like it...

...oh you made dinner, what's the occasion ? I bet it would be amazing just like you, hodness don't worry...

...hm ok let's eat and stop talking you must be starving...

I drag her at the table and serve her quickly, waiting to see her reaction before eating and I have to say it was very satisfying hearing her moan and attacking the food

We talked a little after dinner and cuddled on the couch but I had a surprise for her that was part of my plan to tell her those 3 important words

... I have a surprise for you, stand up...

She was looking at me with a curious expression but non the less did what I told her 

From beside the couch I grabed a small object, a music player, and turned it on, soft music playing through the speakers with songs that were like a serenade that were revealing my feelings for her

She was surprised by the sudden sound but relaxed after a while, I took her hand and led her to the balcony and asked her to dance she obliged immediately

We danced under the moonlight, with our hands around each other my head resting against her shoulder and hers atop mine, for a few moments even though they felt like ages and then I decided it was time 

...Lexa, you are the most important person in my life and I can't imagine my life without you, what I am trying to say is that I love you Lexa, I love you so much and it might be a little early to say it, I mean I don't know the trikru customs to kn-...

She kissed me with so much passion I felt my toes curl, it was like she was trying to reveal her feelings for me with this single kiss

It lasted for a few minutes and when she stepped back she spoke a few words in trigedasleng that even though I didn't know them I understood them perfectly clear

... I hod you in seintaim, Clarke, ai hodness...

Tears welled up in my eyes and I kissed her again with as much fervor as before and led her to the bed where we stayed up for hours, making each other promises of eternal love

A/N

End of this chapter everyone...  
.  
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Just kidding :P

~100~

Sun was coming through the windows waking me up from the best dreams and night of my life

SHE LOVES ME

I feel kisses around my cheek and neck that immediately make me open my eyes and look at the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen, being the most vibrant I have seen so far

...marry me...

I woke up instantly

What did she just say?

Marry her, marry Lexa, be hers forever, growing up together, having moments like this for the rest of our lives

I had only one answer to her question

...yes...

And so a week later we got married in both skaikru and trikru customs with the skaikru ceremony being much more intimate with a few of our closest people being present 

We asked Kane to officiate it and everything was perfect but of course there were problems too

My mom of course had some objections about being too young to take this step but when she saw that we wouldn't budge she relented and was the one walking me down the aisle crying the whole time

There wasn't a single dry eye during our vows were recited

I mean I even saw Indra wiping her eyes discreetly

Afterwards we had a small feast inside the tower and danced and laughed but I had my eyes only on my wife

My wife...

It was a good word coming from my mouth we were going to be together forever

Everyone started leaving during the early hours and I could finally show my wife how much I loved her 

We didn't come out of the room the next day 

This was forever!!

Clarke...

Present

Looking at the tower that is looming above the city, has me thinking about the memories, good and bad that I have from this place

If only time froze in those, the good, moments and I was just as happy as I was during the time

"Welcome home, my little heda nomon is waiting"


	7. Chapter 7

Lexa...

Present

I felt like I was drowing

Each and every breath I could take was making me suffocate 

After hearing those words made me break a little deeper than before

I felt nothing and everything at the same time

She had a daughter and a man 

No this couldn't be true, she wouldn't do this to me, to us 

Osir teina keryon...

We are soulmates, our souls are entwined, have become one 

All thoughts keep invading my head, but the most prominent was the one that justified everything that happened

It was all my fault...

Every action had its consequences

I tried to school my facade, to bring heda forward and not the wounded Lexa

Octavia was looking at me with a concerned expression bringing me back to reality

Lexa : " thank you, Octavia you may leave now go rest and eat you had a long journey, I expect a full report by noon"

Octavia : "sha heda, mochof..." 

She turned to leave but stopped after a few steps

"... Lexa if you need anything, i'll be there for you, I know that we aren't seeing eye to eye, but you can count on me"

With that she left

I guess everything Clarke told me about Octavia, all those years ago were true, she could be trusted

I was finally alone, I was already alone 

I have been for the past 2 years, since my heart and soul left 

I must leave from here, noone should see their heda cry

I stormed out the room and after giving orders to my guards not to follow me, I run towards the woods, my refugee

It was always peaceful in the woods, trees were growing bringing life to people, animals were hunting trying to survive

Time was passing but I hadn't stopped running, for a moment I didn't know where I was but after a moment I realized 

Of course I would be coming here, it was the last place I was truly happy, happy with her, talking about our future together, about our love, then everything was destroyed 

~100~

Lexa...

Past

Clarke and I were in a clearing, about 2 miles from Polis we had found it during a walk in the woods and it has become our meeting spot after work hours, or perhaps should I say them heda hours

Stumbling across the clearing, I see my beautiful houmon already there, painting the beautiful surroundings 

A waterfal was the most spectacural sight there, it wasnt that tall but the combination with the sun and the clear water made it look like a rainbow filled place, and secondary were the different kind of flowers growing up there

It was our little, as Clarke said, paradise

But the most beautiful thing in the clearing right now and every other time I 've been there, is, was and will be her, my houmon

She still was the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my life, she still could take my breath way just by smiling at me and make my day just by being by my side

She was my light in the darkness, but I had to do something that she would never forgive me, I only hope so that she will understand when I explain it to her, but for now she has to stay in the dark

...hey babe, you are late where were you?...

I stepped forward and kissed her 

...ai hodness, I just managed to escape Titus he's been like a tyrant after that last attack, you know...

... Lexa, I know that some of skaikru, even after all those years of peace, are still uneasy but you should let the chanselor handle it...

... Clarke people are dying, our people because of those traitors, because they of us as savages but that is far from the truth and you know it, I have to stop this...

... I know, my love but I think that they should be the ones to handle it, I am with you you know it right...

...of course Clarke I know it, but let's stop talking about that stuff, now where is my kiss? You didn't give it to me already...

She smiled at me lightning the place with its beauty and innosence

She didn't talk just turned around to kiss me with such fervor that I didn't want to stop but air apparently was important 

We stayed hugging each other until I saw the most beautiful flower in the clearing it was a very soft shade of pink with fuschia and purple samples around the middle of the petal

I went to cut it leaving a grumpy blonde behind me

Once I stepped to touch its body I yelped surprised and saw that I was cut by its thorns that were not visible and saw blood in my hand, black of course like every natblida

Apparently Clarke heard my yelp and approached me, when she saw the blood, which wasn't even that much, she started treating me and berating me for being so careless

She was such a mom

I pictured her doing the same thing with a small child, but being more gentle and soft kissing them with so much love and care 

It brought a smile to my face

Her nurturing type always made me want her more and more 

I couldnt help but interrupt her by kissing her with such force, her leaving my bloodied hand bringing hers around my neck bringing me closer, kissing me harder with such thirst that lead to other things, much more private if you know what I mean 

After we finished we layed in each others arms and talked for hours, me not bringing up what I had to tell her, I know that I should have but I know that she will be mad by it

...hey we should be going back, the sun is setting and we have a busy day tommorow...

...oh Lexa cant we just stay here and never return...

...you know that we cant, but I promise you that we will spend the day together the day after tomorrow, just us...

If you are not mad at me, I wanted to add but didnt

...yes I want to, just us, I love you Lexa...

... I hod you in seintaim, Clarke...

Walking back to Polis the only thought that I had was that I just wanted the next day to pass as peacefully as possible

~100~

I was in a meeting with Titus thinking about today and what I had to do

Titus kept talking but I wasnt listening to him 

I was just thinking about Clarke and her reaction

...heda, heda...

... What Titus?...

...you keep getting distracted, this is not acceptable for heda, that skaigirl has soften you, she is nothing but trouble...

...you will not talk about my houmon and what I do is not your business, I am heda, you do as I command...

...sha heda sorry for the intrusion, but what are you going to do about skaikru they cant keep going like that, we must retaliate...

... Skaikru is under my command and I shall do whatever I want with it and I have already decided and brought to action, the people responsible for the attack will die by my hand and be made an example, they will be here by noon, also if there is another incident like this everyone will be sorry to mess with me ...

...and what about wanheda does she know about this?...

... I dont care what wanheda has to say about this, I am her heda and she will follow my lead, head over heart...

Titus watched me with a satisfied look on his face, but I heard a door close abruptly

After some other matters were dealt with he left leaving me alone, but after some while the door opened bringing in an angry blonde

...why didnt you tell me, this is about my people, I told you should let them handle it...

...i was going to tell you, it just wasnt your decision to make because you are not objective...

...of course I am not objective about it you will kill my people...

...if they continue to kill mine I will kill them all...

She looked at me with a shocked expresion

...so you would kill me too?...

I didnt know how to answer that question I knew that I would die for her, but I just hadnt thought about it...

...head over heart... Was the only thing I said

She looked like I had just punched her, her eyes filled with tears but she didnt let them shed, after a minute she put on her mask

... Of course heda, now if you excuse me I must get prepared...

She left without a second thought leaving me there regreting my words spoken to her

~100~

It was noon already and everybody was gathered to witness the trial

The skaikru prisoners , had already been brought to me, Pike being the one at the front being the leader of them, about 10 others were behind him, the most recognisable of them being Bellamy

I knew that after the ice nation had killed his girlfriend he wasnt the same but killing innocents that werent at fault was something that I didnt think he would do

And it brought him to his death today, but by his expression it seemed that it didnt even faze him

Clarke sat beside me with a hard look on her face, she hadnt spoken to me since our confrotation and I just wish I could turn back time 

Everyone was here for the trial skaikru and trikru representatives among with other clan ambassadors

The trial started and things werent looking good for the prisoners, they kept giving the blame to us saying we started it and other accusations and claiming that it wasnt them that did it, they were just there after it happened

Clarke kept looking sadder and sadder by the time, because she knew that I didnt have another choise I hoped she knew that

By the time the trial was coming to the end I knew what I had to do and it wasnt easy, despite everything I said to Titus earlier

It was time

...people of the coalition I have heard everything that was said today and I have reached my decision...

After a short breath and glance to Clarke I spoke the words that took my life away from me

...skaikru are guilty, they will be killed at sunset to bring justice to our people, even though jus drein jus draun is not our custom right now these things will not be tolerated, the execution will not be public but the bodies will be given to their people...

With that everyone started to leave, but my only focus was at the blonde beside me who had her head down and wouldnt see me

I tried to gain her attention but she just marched outside the door, I went after her 

She was curled up in our room not saying a word to me, just staring at the wall

...it wasnt them, you heard them, Bellamy would never hurt an innocent...

...i'm sorry Clarke, but my decision is final, people want blood and I cant do it...

...you cant or you wont?these people are innocent and killing them is wrong Lexa...

...i have a duty to my people to keep them safe, I have made a vow to it and I will keep it...

...even if I was against your people?...

...you are my people Clarke...

...apparently I am not, head over heart isnt it...

...Clarke I-...

...just go Lexa, you have your people to take care of...

I was speachless, I was trying to formulate words to explain to her what I wanted but I couldnt, maybe I should just let her calm a little down then talk to her

I got up and left hearing her cry as I was leaving, making my heart ache so much

~100~

After everything ended I returned to our chambers, wanting to talk to her, seeing it empty not a single sign of my favorite blonde making me even the more sad

There was a piece of paper on the bed, once I opened it my world colapsed

She left, she said that I wasnt the person she thought I was, she said that she heard everything I spoke with Titus and told me not to look for her 

Only if she knew the truth...

~100~

Lexa...

Present

All those memories made me cry, the tears couldnt stop coming

I just wish that she was here right now with me, that chijd would be ours and we would be happy together

... : "heda we must return to the capitol"

I hadnt even heard him come behind me, I guess I had trained him really well, he was my new apprentice for the past 2 years

Lexa : "ok we leave in a second Bellamy"


	8. Chapter 8

Clarke

Present

After our one day and half journey we had finally arrived to Polis

Many memories were rushing to me all at once, happy and sad

My little heda was watching around with curious eyes about everything she has been seeing 

I have to say that Polis has changed, many improvements and tech stuff has been installed 

There were even survailence cameras

Apparently this new threat had the commander to her toes

The Commander

I was going to see her in a while, she was going to find out about our little heda

I dont know how I feel about her, to tell the truth I know I just dont want to accept it 

These 2 years away from her have been torture for me

I had to raise my baby without anyones help and at this young age it was difficult

Even though I had overcome and achieved so many things, I was still a baby having a baby

But I would never change how things happened (well maybe a few) 

Entering Polis wasnt such a hastle 

The guards recognised me immediately and sent someone to inform heda of my arrival 

Just a few more minutes

Free passage was granted to me of course I was hedas wife afterall

As I said before Polis has changed a lot 

Before I left there were only tents and a few buildings surounding Hedas palace, as I used to call

It wasnt only that though for me it was home

Houses were built and certain buildings like a hospital or a school

People were happy, children were happy 

This was peace

Lexa had achieved so many things even though she was so young

She would do anything for her people

And she did

But this peace is jeopardised right now and we have to deal with it 

We have to face each other

Face the concequences of our fall out

I just hope-

Bump

Ow...

I almost tripped, thank god I didnt because I had alex in my arms

Being lost in thoughts is apparently good for you, not

the person I had bumped into hadnt left their position and I hadnt looked to see who it was, I propably should have because I was in a surprise for who it was

... : "Clarke...?"

Clarke : "Octavia...?" 

She looked the same only difference she looked more like a grounder

More muscular and fierce, like she had seen all the terrors in the world

She has and in such a little time after our arrival to earth, but here she felt free

After all she was imprisoned in the ark just because she was born 

I think I broke her

She was looking one time at me and another at Alex and so forth

.Octavia. : "Clarke? S-she eh has, eh looks like..." 

.Clarke. : "like her mama yes I know, its a long story" 

I was curious that wasnt typical Octavia behavior 

She hasnt asked me where I was, what I was doing , why I left 

That was weird 

Maybe she grew up

.Octavia. : "Crap, shes going to kill me, I saw you and thought that you were with that guy and oh crap she wil definetly kill me"

Ok maybe she didnt, but was she saying

.Clarke. : "O what are you talking about?"

.Octavia. : "Oh crap, em dont get mad at me okay, well a few days ago I was sent to floukru for diplomacy reasons and on my leave I saw you with this man, who by the way I havent introduced myself, hi I am Octavia kom trikru en skaikru,and anyways I saw you hugging and kissing his cheek and then he took the baby and you looked like a family and..."

She mumble something I couldnt hear

.Clarke. : "and what Octavia, what?"

I said a little angrily

.O. : "i may or may not have told her about what I saw"

Crap

Lexa thought that I have moved on and had a baby, when non of the above was true

It wasnt o's fault though I understand what happened, its not like she cared either way or did she, O said she would kill her

Anyways I had to shead some light in this mess and most importantly I had to inform her about the attacks

.Clarke. : "its ok o you didnt know by the way this is Jonas and this little munching here is Alex"

.Octavia. : "nice to meet you Jonas and you there little munching hello I am youre auntie o, you are so cute even though you look like your scary mama you are adorable, yes you are"

Alex was lauging at how o was doing thank god she liked her

Octavia was always a person in my life that I trusted and that was vice versa

.Octavia. : "you know your mom will kill you right, if you pass of course hurricane heda before that "

And I said she had matured 

Thanks a lot Octavia

.Octavia. : "anyway we should go to the tower heda is waiting"

we walked towards the tower and I felt my pulse increase and I started sweating

What if she thought that Alex wasnt hers, what if she thought that I was with 

What if she was with someone else,what if she forgot me

Those thoughts kept going on around my head and I didnt even realize we were just infront of the door to the throne room

Before I could speak to tell the guards to give me a minute to compose myself the doors were being opened

￼

And she stood there, sitting on her throne with her knife out playing with it which was a sign that she was nervous and an unreadable expresion which of course I could read 

She was angry, more like furious

She kept watching me then her gaze would fall to Jonas and then Alex, her expressions turning from angry to sad when looking at each person

But oh so beautiful at the same time, she still was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life

She still with one look could take my breath away

Her

My wife

I tried to form words to say something but I just couldnt and I didnt have to wait for long

.Lexa. : "hello Clarke"


	9. Chapter 9

Lexa

Present

It has been 2 days since my breakdown 

I havent slept much each time I close my eyes all I see is Clarke being with another man and a child and just being together and happy like a family should

A family...

That family was supposed to be mine

My family,my Clarke, my child

Mine...

She was supposed to be by my side 

We were supposed to be together

We were supposed to be one heart and soul

But were not because of me

I am the only one to blame, but she shouldnt have left ,she shouldnt have she...

What a great heda I am 

I am crying in the bedroom because my wife has a goufa and has moved on

Love is weakness

Titus was right about that, heda must stir clear from feelings the only thing that matters to her is her people and only that 

All those years ago when Costia died this quote was the motto that I followed and it served me well for a few years

But loving Clarke was never a weakness it was the grandest strength I have ever been bestowed after being heda

I wasnt just surviving I was living, being happy

With her I was made a better heda for my people, I was a better person myself

But I guess now I have to go back to surviving

A knock came from the door waking me up from my thoughts

Lexa : "come in"

Guard : "heda the guards from the gate have reported that there was someone here to see you, the person has already started its way here and I was told to inform you, apparently Octavia kom skaikru is with them now"

Lexa : "and who might the person that was granted free passage in my city without you asking me be?speak true" 

Guard : "em heda its hedatu, Clarke kom trikru en skaikru-" 

As soon as those words came out of his mouth I froze

Clarke was here, in this city at the moment

Why was she here ?

Has she come here to rub in my face that she was happy with her new family, that she had a child?

I almost ordered the guard to escort her outside of the city but I couldnt because as much as I am angry at her I still have the desire to see her, to breath in the same air that she breaths to just be near her 

Its been so long since I last saw her, since I last touched her 

I have to see her

Lexa : "when they step inside the tower bring them to the throne room, now leave" 

Guard : "sha heda" 

I was once again alone in the room still frozen from the news 

She was really here 

I must get ready 

I have to wear the best clothes I have (propably those jeans that are tight and she used to love and say they make me look hot, I mean they are warm but what does that have to do with how I look in them) and wear my warpaint and dont forget my dagger

My hands have gathered sweat and I have started breathing harder 

I feel like the first time that I came to Polis as a young nightblood, I am so nervous

Lexa pull yourself together, youre heda and is just Clarke

just Clarke

just Clarke...

Although she is not just Clarke, she is everything, ain houmon, ain niron, ain keryon

But apparently for her I am nothing more than the woman who hurt her 

I am nothing 

She moved on, had another man to her bed and had a child with him

Thats right Lexa focus on your anger nothing else

Now get ready and greet your guest like the great heda you are and focus

Ai laik heda

~100~

I was siting on my throne playing with my dagger and waiting for Cla-, no my guest to arrive

Actualy its guests but I dont want to think about that 

Obviously Clarke wouldnt have left the child by itself and I guess the father came along 

I am sad to think that she is here just to rub it in my face that she has moved on

I have to stay focused, I have to show her that she cant make me feel weak

I have to be heda now, not Lexa 

Deep breaths, focus

guard : "heda, em ste hir" 

Lexa : "bring them in" 

The first person to come through that door is Octavia, I dont know why but she is giving me this weird look like she has done something wrong

The next person to pass is a man, of average height, brown hair and eyes that I am asuming is the father and he gets my most vicious glare that I can master

He appears to be intimidated by me by the looks of his body language

I would have continued to glare at him if it werent for the last two persons that walked inside, both giving me different emotions inside of me

Anger was the most prevalant and sadness second best

Just a look at me made me forget about the outside world 

It was just us

Green meeting blue for the first time in 2 years

It was like a dream come true, she was right there in front of me glowing in the sunlight making her some sort of a goddess that has come to earth to break my heart

I couldnt stop staring I think that it has passed ages when a soft whimper broke the stare and brought my focus from her face and to her arms where a small bundle was placed 

The child

I couldnt see their face but it had the same color of hair as Clarke

It was right in front of me the evidence that I had lost her forever 

Even though it breaks my heart to just let her go I will do it for her and her goufa

No child should spend their life without their parents

Children are a blessing the continuation of our customes, the future of our people

But first just pretend Lexa, pretend that it doesnt matter, just pretend, put your mask on and pretend

Lexa : "hello Clarke" 

As soon as my voice sounded the child begun to move and fuse around Clarke's arms, but she didnt notice

Clarke : "heda thank you for being in my present, there is an important reason I am here-" 

There it goes...

"-Luna has sent me, its urgent. There have been several attacks in floukru from an invisible as they say enemy, its really serious"

The child was kind of screaming now and looked like it was pointing at me like it wanted to be held

Focus Lexa

Lexa : "this is serious we must inform the ambasadors, thank you Klark for informing me I will deal with this you can go now rest" 

Clarke : "Thank you Lexa, em is there someway that we can talk in private, there is something that we need to discuss, alone" 

Lexa : "em sh-aa, yes of course, we can go to my chambers"

Clarke : "yes that will be ok"

My nightmares are finally coming true, she doesnt want to be bonded to me anymore

She followed me hesitatly with the child still in her arms, couldnt she just leave it with the father and it still keeps trying to reach to me, making me all the more furious than I was

We finally arrived to my bedroom or should I say ours

I let Clarke step in first because I wanted to watch her reaction

It was what I needed to see that she still cared 

She was looking all over the place, trying to see if I changed anything but I havent and wont change it, except one little detail that Clarke noticed right now and her expresion surprised me too to tell the truth 

Right beside our bed on the nightstand by my side was a picture framed which Clarke had drew when we got married

It was the two of us facing each other looking in each others eyes with the biggest smiles that I have ever seen myself with, clarke was holding the flowers that I gave her before the ceremony that I had the skaikru made to last for a long time

I couldnt look away from Clarkes face, tears were falling from her eyes and she couldnt look anywhere but at the picture

Why was she crying when she wanted to just break our bond, she had moved on and I just had to bring the pieces of my heart together after

After a few minutes she turned to me and looked at me with a look that held so many emotions

Sad, guilt, longing and so many passed from her face, she opened and closed her mouth so many times, I couldnt look at her any longer I wanted to just get it over with

Lexa : "just say it, we dont need to prolong this any longer"

Clarke : "Lexa I am not here for the reason you think I am, I a-"

Lexa : "Clarke just get it over with, its pretty obvious to me why you wanted to talk the evidence of what you wanted to talk is right in front of me, you moved on, you have someone you have a daughter with and you want to break our bond" 

I couldnt stop the tears rolling from my eyes and she didnt seem better, her eyes were a red color and the tears wouldnt stop shedding

I closed my eyes because even after everything that has happened I couldnt watch her hurting

Yeah I am pathetic she came here to break us and I just cant watch her doing it 

With a surprise move that I didnt notice she came in front of me and kissed me 

It started slowly but firmly her hand on my cheek and I wounded my arms on her waist turning the kiss all the more heated

We were now kissing without a care in the world and it was like I breathed for the first time in 2 years 

But I guess all good things come to an end 

The baby started to fusse in clarkes arms and that pulled us apart but our foreheads were still on each others 

But our bubble was popped and clarke started talking what will be a life changing event in our lives

Clarke : "le-lexa tha-ats not why I am here, it is something important that you must know- "

At this time the baby grabbed my hair and pulled at it making me look down at it and stared right at familiar green globes that left me gasping for air

I quickly looked at Clarke, she looked at me with a guilty expresion and uttered the most amazing and at the same time terrifing words that I have heard in my life

Clarke : "this Alexandra, Alex for short and by your face I see you figured it, this is our little heda our daughter"


	10. Chapter 10

Clarke

Present

Silence...

The only thing that could be heard inside the room were our breathing and the noice that came from the city below us 

I had so many emotions piled up in that moment, fear, saddness, hope but the most dormant is love

Love for this woman standing in front of me looking at our baby in shock but at the same time with such awe in her face 

I havent seen her since 2 years ago, 2 long years being apart but I couldnt forget, I couldnt

She still is everything to me

The love of my life, the mother of my daughter , my soulmate 

But she hurt me...

And I dont know if we will ever be together again but Alex needs her, she needs her mother

Alex started to fusse again, she is a very smart baby she propably knows that the woman in front of her is her nomon

Lexa came out of her shock and immediately took Alex into her arms after she wouldnt stop fussing

And I just melted at the sight in front of me

The moment Lexa took her she stopped moving and just kept staring at her, but then she did the most unexpected thing I was waiting to happen 

One word came out of her little pouty mouth that I have been trying for her to say for quite some time and she just said right now 

...ma-ma...

Upon hearing those sweet little words Lexa started bawling and hugged Alex tightly in the crook of her head and just kept muttering ain yongon over and over again

It was such a heartfelt moment I couldnt stop my tears from falling, I kept Alex away from her mother and I know right at this moment that I was on the wrong right from the start 

Never matter what happened between me and her our child deserved better than that

Lexa should have been there from begining, from the time I found out about our little heda, from the time I found out that I would be bringing our miracle child into this world

She should have been there for late nights, for first smiles to diaper changings and walks to the park for fresh air

I know that from the moment Lexa would find out about me being pregnant she would be over the moon 

She would have propably stepped out in the balcony and shouted out that she would be a nomon

She would have been so overprotective of me, she would have assigned 30 guards to keep me safe and ordered everyone to take care of me and would fusse if I didnt eat healthy but she would have given me each and every craving that I had, from deer meat to pizza even though she didnt know what that was

I know that hedas didnt get to have a family especially the female ones but I know that she would have been the best nomon in the world, judging by the way she treated the nightbloods

And the baby would be born she would have loved them from the first glance she gave their way and always put mine and theirs above everyones elses

She would have...

She would have...

But I cant turn back time and undo everything

The fact that I didnt know about the baby for quite some time was a part of the reason why I couldnt face her she wouldnt believe me, besides she didnt care

Or so I thought...

Lexa kept muttering and crying and I knew that when the moment stopped things would become more clear to her and the yelling would start

Silence was my most powerful ally at this moment 

So I tried to stay as silent as I could and watched the 2 most important people in my life bond for the first time in their lives

 

A/N 

And thats a wrap guys...  
.  
.  
.  
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Just kidding :P

Lexa

...ma-ma...

Thats all it took from me to crumble down 

That one tiny but at the same time so significant word that left my daughters mouth just made the waters to break from my eyes

She is so beautiful she has my eyes and Clarkes hair and my mouth and nose and she is just so beautiful

I kept helding my daughter tight to my body wishing that was not just a dream that clarke and my daughter were here with me

My daughter...

My daughter...

Ain yongon...

I cant just...

Alexandra...

Alex...

Little heda...

Clarke...

Clarke...

Clarke...

The thought of her name made me look away from my daughter and look at her

She was silently crying and looking at us with such remorse and pain

I barely registered my voice while it spoke and uttered the word that were stuck in my head   
since the moment of truth

...why?...


	11. Chapter 11

Lexa

Present

...why?...

She didnt answer right away, but by the look on her face I knew that she heard me 

Did she know about the baby and never told me?

Did she think that I was gonna be a bad mom?

All those kind of thoughts kept running through my mind 

I just needed answers 

Answers to conquer my self- doubt 

Just please Clarke talk

If you even have an ounce of love for me in your heart just get me out of my misery

I closed my eyes trying to get my thoughts and feelings into a line

I needed to breathe, fresh air, this room was suffocating me for some reason 

Or perhaps this situation

I stood up with my daughter still in my arms and set course towards the balcony trying to bypass Clarke without a single look but that was fruitless 

It was just minutes, seconds maybe it was centuries ago that we kissed but just with one look that was the only thing that I craved

And I still wanted that, I still wanted her

I wanted her even when she was having another mans baby, now that I know that its mine its like I a moth attracted to the flame

Stop thinking like that right now you are mad at her, she left with good but not entirely reasons too, she kept my daughter from me and if it wasnt for the message from Luna I dont I would ever have known

And but not least there was this man who was he?did they have an affair?did my daughter think he was her father?

And with thoughts I moved quicker towards the balcony needing desperately to catch my breath 

I wouldnt allow that 

She is my daughter noone elses

I was her nomon, I sired her even though I dont understand how is this possible

It was never heard of two women to conceive together a child 

But there is no doubt about my daughters paternity 

She was the splitting image of me

So beautiful and so smart for her age

She kept looking at me with such awe, even though I was the one to be

thank keryon for her she was calming me down a little, just having her in my arms felt like my life was half-full

Hopefuly it would be full again

I watched Polis for a few moments reminiscing about all the things I had done for my people

I have killed to protect them, brought them peace for the first time, made decisions based on their well being even though it made me lose the one person who completed me and what did I get in return 

Everyones doubts and resentment for those decisions

Well mostly from Azgeda and Skaikru but for different reasons

I came out my thoughts when Alex started jumping up and down in my arms and pointing towards the town

It brought a smile to my face

I was wondering what her mind had contoured with all the things that she was seeing for the first time

It was a very large world and she was just a little bean in it 

It was such marvel to watch

I started talking to her telling her about Polis, the coalition, the commander all the while feeling eyes on my back

I tried ignoring them trying to focus on my daughter but apparently even her was tired and propably hungry because she started to cry 

I panicked at first thinking that something was wrong with her but she kept trying to get a hold of my boobs and realised she was hungry

I turned towards Clarke and saw that she was much closer than I expected making it only about an inch that our faces were separated

Instantly my eyes landed on her lips, so juicy and perfect waiting to be kissed, to be loved

Then my eyes drifted upwards to her eyes, so beautiful like the first time I saw them but with so much pain in them 

I caught her looking at my lips too but then she drifted upwards green meeting blue 

Longing, love, lust were a few emotions in both of our eyes

Our feelings were always expresed through our eyes we didnt need words to feel them 

She closed her eyes and leaned closer me following behind waiting to feel those lips again but we never met because apparently the most logical person in the room right now was hungry and had to interupt the moment

I saw the dissapointment in her eyes but we shouldnt we had a lot to talk about and of course Alex came first always

She nodded and softly smiled at me before taking Alex from my arms and went inside to feed her

I would have followed but its been 2 years and I dont think I would have handled the situation very good, even thinking about it made me want to have a cold shower 

Lexa thats your daughter inside there being fed by her mother, your wife who had filled in all the right places in the last 2 years but none more than her bo-

STOP THAT THOUGHT RIGHT NOW!!!

You're not some horny teenager trying to satisfy her needs, you are heda, you mask your emotions 

It was futile 

I needed a cold shower


	12. Chapter 12

Clarke

Present

I watched Lexa walk towards the bathroom not even giving me a spare of a glance 

I can't fool myself and deny that that hurt a bit, more like a lot, but none the less I deserved it

Everything here was like a fresh breath after so long, like when you are underwater and you have this erge to get to the surface and breath just breath

Being here was like that, I got to breath after so many years being apart, after being without her, after so much hatred and pain 

Being here was like a dream come true

I had dreamed a thousand times being here in Polis with the two most important people in my life

Waking up next to Lexa just cuddling in bed not caring about anything else that happened outside these walls

And then our little miracle would be born and our lives would have been all the more better

But like all dreams they all fall down when you wake up, the only thing that you can do is hope that one day they will come true

And thats what I decided that I would do

I may be a coward for leaving, not telling Lexa about our daughter and it only took Luna to step forward, but there's haven't been a day passed that I didn't think about her, about us

And now it's my time to fight

To fight for her and our future together

So Clarke Elizabeth Griffin pull your woman pants up and do the right thing for once

You need to tell her what's really going on, why you left not the bullshit that you wrote in that fucking letter that broke her heart propably

what am I talking of course it did...

There were so many things we needed to discuss about and it would propably take awhile perhaps I should ask the cooks for some food to be brought up here

Of course it's not because your hungry, it's because you wish to speak in private

Right...

Looking down at my daughter, watching her breast feeding I wondered if she could understand what was going on around her

Could she understand the significance of us being here

I mean she instantly became enamored with Lexa, like she understood that she was her nomon

Alex, like her nomon, didn't like strangers very much, she was always suspicious about them(another quality she took after her mom)

You had to make her trust you and then she would let you get in

She was just a toddler

And she was so smart nonetheless

I just hoped she didn't get any of my bad qualities while growing up, thank god she had already started having Lexa's qualities

My daydreaming lasted longer than I expected because by the time I woke up Lexa had already done her bath and apparently had taken the food brought by the servant

Alex was finally asleep after being fed and that left only Lexa and I in the room 

She still wasn't looking over at me but I had to make her see, make her see the truth 

It's now or never Clarke

Clarke: "you asked why?"

Lexa turned her head towards me and didn't utter a word just stared at me waiting to hear the truth or more likely in her opinion the words that i would say to her

She just gave me a nod as to say to continue

Deep breath Clarke

Clarke:" I know that I have made mistakes and I know that I have hurt you so much with everything but just hear me out ok and don't interrupt me before I am finished, everything that I've done, it was for you Lexa"

Lexa triex to talk but i stopped her I just had to get it all out otherwise i wouldn't 

Clarke:"please just let me finish and then you can do anything you want ok?"

Lexa nodded but was so frustrated and looked hurt all at the same but didn't do anything just nodded again

Clarke: "that day you remember what happened at the meadow right, well that was the time that we created Alex I don't know how but by my calculations that was the date of conception and obviously i didn't know about her for a long time in fact I was in my 5 month when i found out, 5 months had passed since the last day that i saw you and from the moment i found out about her all i wanted was to protect her and if by doing that i had to be away from you even though it hurt like hell i would do it in a heartbeat"

I know that i hurt her with these words but she had to understand the situation i was put through 

All this time i hadn't looked at her once worrying about what her eyes would tell me

Clarke: "but there is something that you must know everything i wrote in that letter was a lie, i understood your reasons about the executions they were fair even though Bellamy was like a brother to me what he did was unforgivable and should be punished i was a little angry when i heard it and when i heard you say those things about me but i understood"

"After i left from there i just started walking without direction just thinking about what you said and landed myself in the library but there were people there already discussing quietly and i eavesdropped on them, Lexa they were talking about how they were going to bring you down, that i made you weak and that you didn't deserve to be heda anymore because all you wanted was my safety and not your people, they were also talking about how they should get rid of me first and then just let you rot in the dungeon until you die, i couldn't let them do that to you, so i pulled my gun and threatened them to tell me everything and they did Lexa and it was so much more than you can expect and it might have to do with the threat that we are now have to deal with"

Lexa: "If what you say is true then who were they?"

Clarke:"Titus and Gustus"


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think... :)  
> Sorry for any spelling mistakes....:/

Lexa

"...Titus and Gustus"

The sound of their names just left shocked, standing there watching Clarke for the longest time, just staring at her deep in her eyes trying to figure out if what shw was telling me was the truth or just another lie so as to just forgive her for everything she has done

Her gaze was steady looking me straight in the eyes, her breathing normal, her hands weren't fidgeting, her posture relaxed but serious at the same time

She was telling the truth...

telling the truth...

the truth...

But why would they...?

I just couldn't even think of why would they do this?

Those men she accused were kinda my fathers, they raised me, teaching me how to fight, they were always by my side since before I became heda, why would they do that?

Weak?Threatened to kill Clarke?Bring me down from being heda?

Clarke had come closer to me after she told me trying to be comforting but it didn't work so good, after a while my shock turned to anger and i guess she knew me better so she stepped away but still close to me, to keep me calm in a way

Lexa: "Start from the beginning"

Clarke: "Like I told you, I was wondering after you know what and found myself in the library, the door was half open and since almost noone goes there I decided to go see why it was open and as I was near there I heard voices inside whispering saying how much of a disgrace you were to your people and your position being commanded by a mere sky prissa and not putting her people above her bonded..."

She took a deep breath looking wary at my way, trying to figure out my reactions but I had put, as she has deemed it my heda facade, but inside my anger was skyrocketing by each sentence she was saying, livid wasn't even having it

I gave her a nod to continue

Clarke: "...after hearing those words I started getting angry myself i would never have let anyone talk about you that way so I took the gun, I had thankfully taken with me, and stepped inside and saw Titus and Gustus, I was shocked of course, you had told me about them and how they had helped and shaped you to be the woman you are today, I just you know kinda lost it and drew the gun and started demanding for explanations, so in the threat of the gun they did...I didn't make the connection with the other thing until recently but...Lexa maybe we should take a break and t-"

I cut her off with a firm stare and just gave her a nod to continue

Clarke: "...ok as you want...as you know Becca Pramheda, the first commander came from the sky and after the pramfire she united the people with the power of the flame, the keryon, well there is a whole different story behind this, yes she came from the sky and she united the people but she didn't just come to do that, she came to protect the flame from in the hands of the wrong people, people who wanted to rule the human world and were the ones who caused pramfire"

I furrowed my eyebrows at that information, the past commanders in my head never told me that, I opened my mouth to ask something but Clarke stopped me

Clarke: "Lexa just let me finish and you can ask anything you want afterwards okay?Where was i now oh yes...well you must be wondering how they could do that, well Becca had designed the flame, apparently it is a machinery kind of thing, called AI, Artificial Inteligence, i will try to explain to you what that is exactly later so back to the story, this machine could enter someones mind and after it had been in a few minds, like a battery charge, the user of it could apparently control any machine altogether, which means bombs, missiles anything you can imagine, Becca brought it here but she couldn't have figure out that those people would find out where she was so she thought she was safe after ruling in peace for that few years she did and tried to use the flame for good but apparently she was just making their job easier they knew when to strike so they just let time pass making their army bigger and bigger until they could finally strike which is now apparently"

Lexa: "Why now?Why Gustus and Titus?"

Clarke: "They attack now because the AI is finally charged and ready to be used in the next user so they need it, i thought that you were safe, they told me you were safe for as long as you were alive that they would not harm you, that if I left they would not hurt you, I had to go, i couldn't lose you forever Lexa, if I had to leave in order for you be alive but away from me i would do it again and again, even if it would bring me pain to be away from you, but now they are attacking and i couldn't stay away from you without warning you, without telling even for the last time that I loved you so much, without you knowing about our Alex, our little heda, so i am so sorry, so sorry, I- I a...am so-so..."

I stepped right into her personal space and hugged her tightly against me, our bodies fitting together like always, like they belonged together, a missing puzzle piece brought together after such a long time

It was like time had started ticking again in her arms i could feel myself again

But everything was in such a difficult time frame there was danger all around us, our best friends could be enemies and we wouldn't know but for now I felt content the only thing that could bring me more than this was the next thing i did

A kiss that always brought life in me even the darkest hours of the day...

 

 

 


	15. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hi... 'runs behind a couch to hide'
> 
> Yeah I know and I am sorry but I had a writers block on this story, I seriously don't know how to continue this but I definitely won't be giving up on it don't worry it just might take me a little longer to post 
> 
> I want to thank everyone who has stuck with me after so long you guys are awesome 
> 
> This is just some fluff and cute moments between the family of 3 so I thought I would be back with that
> 
> Well the last thing I wanted to say is enjoy reading and let me know what you think :)

 

 

Lexa Pov

 

We were sitting on the couch, some times in silence, just enjoying the fact that we were together after being apart for so long and some others talking about anything and everything that has happened in our lives since being apart

I told Clarke what happened after she left and with difficulty how I coped with her being away

It was a really emotional moment for me, after years of being taught not to let my feelings show, it just took her intense and sincere gaze to make me come apart and break

It was always like this with her, she had the power since she was the owner of my heart and soul

Just for today I had not let my mind wander to any danger that was coming towards us, after of course giving some orders to my guards and my most trusted advisor, meaning Bellamy, Ryder and Indra, to keep a sharp eye to everything happening and also follow those 2 traitors that wanted to destroy everything I have build so far

I would keep my family safe no matter what

Speaking of family I heard some rustling from the bed and turned to see, Alex starting to stir. She wasn't crying yet so we were fine for now

I saw Clarke doing the same, moving her head and turning our daughters way, but still staying where she was, not moving from her spot in my arms

She caught my eyes looking at her and smiled at me, her face lightening and bringing out all the beauty she had, I couldn't help but return it

**Lexa :** "isn't she going to wake up? Shouldn't we get her?"

**Clarke :** "nah she is fine, you will know when she will need you"

Huh what did she mean by that?

My answer came a few seconds later when I heard my daughter speaking

**Alex :** " ma-ma?Mama?"

I turned my head to Clarke's side and saw her smiling to me her beautiful yet mischievous smile at me, she knew this would happen

The thought that my daughter, MY daughter, needed me was amazing and brought a smile to my face, this past few hours I have smiled more than I had in the past few years and it was such a good feeling, to be happy again, to be together with the 2 women in my life

I pulled up from Clarke to go towards my yongon, not before leaving a chaste kiss to her forehead though

Alex started chanting mama more and more and I quickened my steps towards her and when I arrived with a grinning mouth and a shining green eyes

She stretched her arms to get closer to me and I lifted her in my arms, bringing her closer to my body and trying to sniff the unique baby smell every baby had. Unfortunately for me the smell that came to me was a foul one and when I took her away from me she was looking at me with a grinning face that looked so much like Clarke when she did something wrong and she knew about it

I heard a loud laugh from behind me and I turned towards my bonded way only to see her laughing with tears coming from her eyes

I shook my head and went towards her, keeping Alex a little away from me, trying not to smell her

**Clarke** : " the mighty head conquered by a smelling child, wow if I had known about that I would have brought a smelling diaper when you were teaching me how to fight"

**Lexa** : "ha ha Clarke, now can you come and change her please?"

**Clarke** : "well you know you are her mother too, so you have to know how to change her and of course take care of her so I am just going to teach you how to, but we have to give her a bath too after cleaning her so be ready for it"

**Lexa** : " but Clarke what if I hurt her, I don't want to hurt her"

**Clarke** : "hey I would never let you hurt her, I will be right beside you and help you with this, you are not alone, I am right here"

**Lexa** : " ok lets do this, young lady better be nice to mama and don't make her duty difficult huh, you are a good baby aren't you?"

I was playing with Alex's hands while she smiling and cooing at me it was the most cute thing I had ever seen

Changing diapers is a difficult job, but giving a squirming toddler a bath is even more difficult

I think that there was more water outside the tub from inside

Alex was playing with the water and sending water towards us but instead of being mad by her making me wet but just her smile brightened my day and healed my soul from every damn bad thingbthat has ever happened to me

She was my cure for everything

Her smile, her happiness, her whole being

I turned to my left and watched the other healer of my heart

She was there kneeling beside me, playing with our daughter in the bath and didn't even care that was dripping water, she was breathtaking

She was the source of many painful memories and feelings in my life, bit still she is so much more to me, she put my pieces together and brought me to light

They both have

But yet I still feel some resentment towards her for everything, but its not so strong anymore

She gave me this precious gift that I will be grateful for the rest of my life

For my people children were sacred, they were afterall the continuation of our lineage and culture

For hedas to have children is even more sacred, though it is very rare for hedas to have children, they are really important and in the future even if they are not appointed as hedas are respected as ones. The blood of previous hedas runs through them

I know from now just watching her growing from her young age that she will be a great and important figure on our people, the congeda, she will be respected and be worshiped

She will be my greatest achievement in life

And I couldn't be happier for that

I would protect her with my life and paint the floor with blood if so as much as a single hair was touched from her head

I would destroy everyone and that was a promise

But that was for another day right now I would spend the most time with my family and worry about anything later

I had missed enough and I would not miss anything else in their lives

I turned towards Clarke and gave her a quick yet still passionate kiss

She looked at me when we pulled away from it and just smiled, making my heart beat faster

Later much later, we had time  
  
  


 

 

 


End file.
